Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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