I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
