I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
