none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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