A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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