your thong is hanging out like whoa
one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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