dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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