Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
