I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
