Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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