I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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