You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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