piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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