OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize