i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
