I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
