I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
