True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
