There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
