I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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