booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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