Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
