You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
