fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
