My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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