Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
