so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
