Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i think i just lost a toe
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
