i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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