He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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