I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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