??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
