Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
