I will die if light touches me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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