But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
