Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
