I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
