People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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