Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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