i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
