Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
