eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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