just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
being pregnant is like rehab
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize