I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
