I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
