What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
