my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
