Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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