are you still at the devil's house?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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