Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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