Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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