thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My cat gives me a boner
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
