Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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