He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
