You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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