Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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