apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you will always have a special place in my vag
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
