You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
