the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
