having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
