just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
