WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
