i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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