I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
