this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize