Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
