i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
