He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
