dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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