BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize