My hand turned me down
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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