Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
